BABY DADDY SWAG

As our delivery date nears and the baby showers wrap up, I've noticed the lack of "Daddy" quality gifts at the baby showers. Don't get me wrong. I know we need everything and I'm eternally grateful to the family and friends that attended the showers with their gifts... but, as the father, it would be nice if some of the gifts were for me. Does that sound selfish? I know my wife is doing all of the work carrying the baby, having the baby, ruining her figure, dealing with the pain but it would still be nice to get something. After some extensive Google searching, I've found some items that would make great gifts for the soon-to-be or new daddy who would like to maintain Man Card status while still fulfilling daddy duties.

The Daddy Toolbelt - Although marketed as a gag gift, the Daddy Toolbelt actually carries some very important "tools" that can be very handy to first-timers. The 5-pocket canvas toolbelt contains items such as metal tongs (for the real nasty diapers), surgical face mask, latex gloves, ear plugs and safety glasses. Also included in the toolbelt is a step-by-step diaper changing instruction booklet for the completely clueless dad. The bag is actually durable enough to convert to a real toolbelt capable of holding nails, screws and actual hand tools. Check it out at www.daddytoolbelts.com/

Diaper Dude Diaper Bags - If you've ever been forced to carry a pink diaper bag in public, this bag will be the Man Card saving grace. Available in several different man-friendly versions, the diaper bags contain all of the same pockets and compartments found in normal diaper bags but with more interesting and masculine color themes. The camo colored version is one of the most popular but its also available in solid black, skull & cross bones, and peace sign versions as well. Check it out at www.diaperbags.com/daddy-diaper-bags/

Rockabye Baby! - Its bad enough we dudes have to turn the volume down in the car with a newborn in the back seat but do we really have to listen to the Wiggles? Not anymore! You can now satisfy your picky backseat audience with the same pleasing sounds from typical lullabies but with a twist. Rockabye Baby has created soothing lullabies to the tunes of AC/DC, Metallica, Boston, Aerosmith, and even Kanye West (for those of you into hip-hop). The tracks are not as hard or beefy as the originals but at least its not some stupid purple dinosaur or coma-inducing crap that will put you asleep behind the wheel. All are great with the exception of the Coldplay album... their music still sucks as a lullaby. Check it out at www.rockabyebabymusic.com/

Allow me to Introduce myself...

When the Rock sent me an email a month or two ago, I was both excited and nervous about contributing to such a highly regarded online blog. I was in the midst of launching an NBA blog myself (Dirk's Glorious Mane) which in time has kinda fallen off but is slowly coming back and also trying to figure out some of the more interesting situations life throws at you. So, here I am finally contributing to Da'Man Cave. I am a single (that's right ladies, single) 20-something teacher who loves baseball, golf, football, and video games. Other than those 4 things, some may say I like food, trying to like it less the older I get. Anyways I don't want to bore our millions of readers out there with my bio, I want to get to my main reason for signing on today.

Ever since I started college back in 2001, there has always been a debate about what college has the hottest girls, or which state is has the hottest co-ed population. My default answer has ALWAYS been Texas. This past weekend I ventured out of my home state to attend a wedding in Lafayette, Louisiana, home of the Ragin Cajuns and some of the best food I have ever tasted. While I have done alot of traveling over the last year for numerous work events and personal trips, I usually catch a glimpse of that city's "finest" in the airport. Kansas City, Missouri was less than impressive. PAY ATTENTION TO THIS NEXT STATEMENT TEXAS GIRLS


STEP YOUR GAME UP! Louisiana Girls will catch you! I mean it. I stepped off the plane and the first 10 females I saw in the airport were top notch. And then on top of that throw in the Cajun accent. I was privileged enough to get to hang out with 6 of the best looking ones in Lafayette before, during and after my buddy's wedding. They don't mess around down in the Bayou. For the longest time, national polls and opinions say that the fight is between Texas and California for best looking women, I stand here today and tell you Texas Girls, you are fighting the wrong foe. Grab your hairspray and mini skirts and head East. There you will find your newest arch enemy!

Fight the good fight.

-Dearing

To manscape, or not to manscape, that is the question.

Recently, the subject of "manscaping" came up amongst mixed company and I have to admit that several points were made regarding the issue. For those of you lucky enough to be unfamiliar with the term "manscape", its the process of removing, plucking, trimming, or (argh) waxing hair from the male body. As it turns out, women do like a man to be groomed but, preferrably, not to the extremes some men are known to go to achieve the look of a paid model. That being said, Da' Man Cave has established the following rules regarding manscaping. Any deviation from the rules shall be at the risk of losing man-points!

1. PAID MODELS - If you have a body someone pays to see in a magazine, movie, TV show, or on a billboard... manscape. Its your bread and butter and pays the bills. Just make sure you belch and scratch yourself every once and awhile to remind everyone that you're still doing it for the money.

2. DO IT FOR YOUR TEAM! - This is definitely a case where manscaping can be an asset. It isn't very often a guy has enough hair on their body to shave the logo of your favorite team or the number of your favorite player clearly. You get extra points if you can shave the number AND name on your back. However, there is a small drawback. Your wife/girlfriend may require you wipe the "slate" clean to avoid embarrassment at the next BBQ or pool party. If you're single, rock it until the end of the season!

3. PLAY BASKETBALL? - If you play basketball or any other close-contact sport shirtless on a regular basis... manscape. You'll have an open lane to the basket if your back hair is matted down with sweat every time. You don't have to wax but trimming it down is always appreciated by the germ-a-phobe unlucky enough to pull guard duty on you.

4. KOJAK? DR. EVIL? - Da' Man Cave takes a stance against any type of waxing in the nether-region. Number one, it has to be the strangest look in the world (even for porn stars) and, number two, its got to hurt like hell to even think about doing it. Of course, any guy willing to endure the pain and discomfort of waxing the baby-makers earns props in the tough guy category... for awhile at least.

Why are you crying?!

At the end of last weekend's SEC Championship game between Alabama and Florida the network cameras began scanning the Gator crowd showing fans in utter disgust crying with faces in their hands. The next shot on the screen happens to be Florida quaterback Tim Tebow doing the exact same thing... except he was not covering his face. As time ran out, the cameras stuck with Tebow as the tears continued to stream down his face while his bottom lip quivered uncontrollably. I couldn't help but make a few comments at the screen (i.e.-Suck it up! Man up! People are watching!) before my wife surprisingly stood up for Tebow and announced that there's absolutely nothing wrong with an athlete showing some emotion and sensitivity. Emotion on the field? Okay. Sensitivity on the field? No... at least not in my coach's handbook. Seeing all of this estrogen-laden display at the end of the game made me wonder. When is it okay for men to openly display emotion and tears without losing man-card points? Well, I've come up with the Top 5 instances athletes are given a "pass" on public displays of emotion. It should be noted that funerals, daughter's weddings, and the birth of children are not included for obvious reasons.

#5 - CHAMPIONSHIPS - Winning a championship, even if its in your city bowling league, can qualify... but only the first time. When Michael Jordan won his first NBA Championship, everyone expected to see the waterworks because it was so meaningful... but after his 6th title, he should be able to reign it in.

#4 - GOLD MEDALS - When you're representing your entire country in a sporting event and you whip the ass of the rest of the world, yes, go ahead and cry. Standing up on the highest pedalstal receiving your medal during the national anthem is well worth it.

#3 - LOSSES - Although rare, crying after a loss is okay... only if YOU are the reason for the loss. Costing your team a championship, blowing it when everything is on the line and the only place to point the finger is in the mirror? Yeah, its okay to tear up because your disgusted teammates will make you if you don't.

#2 - RETIREMENT - When an athlete finally realizes that he has nothing left to offer the game he has played so many years, hanging it up is still the toughest thing to do. Playing a sport at a professional level and playing a sport at a professional level well are two completely different things. Peyton Manning can cry all he wants when his time is up. The guy that holds the ball for field goals?... not so much. Brett Favre is an exception to this rule... he's already cried enough for three retirements and he's still playing.

#1 - HALL OF FAME - I don't care if its the Ping Pong Hall of Fame, if an entire sport deems you worthy of recognition forever then its time to pull out the hankies. Many players can excel at a sport at any time but few can garner HOF recognition for their accomplishments. Its a select group of athletes that will be remembered as long as the game is played.

You're what?!

There are only a handful of phrases, comments, and words at a woman's disposal that have the ability to focus a man's attention to every single word that flows from her lips. "I'm pregnant." happens to be at the top of that very short list of phrases. I can't speak for other men but I can count the number of times I have heard those words on one hand. Each time, my heart would stop and the religion I had lost would suddenly reappear. Its impossible to truly describe the feeling that flows through your veins when dealing with a situation like that but its what happens immediately afterwards that means everything to the woman involved. This is what I dealt with last week during our Thanksgiving break.

When my wife and I married 3 years ago, we briefly discussed the possibility of having another child. Sharing the birth of a child is a special bond between a couple that can never be broken. Since we both had children of our own from previous marriages, we decided that it might be best to enjoy the freedoms that come with having older children and the financial benefits that come with middle age. I can honestly say that we became "set in our ways" over the next three years as she focused on Hannah's soccer, volleyball and basketball activites while I concentrated on Kendall's high school volleyball and getting Courtney into Baylor University. All of this on top of her pursuing her doctorate... so whats a 43 year old man to do when he hears those words when they are definitely least expected? You smile, you hold your wife, tell her you love her, and you pray for a boy.

stoP, stOP, sTOP, STOP!!!

After weeks of begging, pleading, and nagging, I decided to give my 15 yr. old daughter a shot at driving around the neighborhood streets to evaluate her skills before beginning her drivers education. Before I move on with this post, let me inform everyone that I made the mistake of going the route of the Parent-taught Drivers Ed course with my first daughter. I think the Texas DPS office must have some sort of kickback agreement with every insurance agency in the state to even think of offering parents the option of teaching their own kids. Firstly, at $20.00, its extremely cheap compared to professional drivers ed schools that charge upwards of $300.00. What parent wouldn't jump at the chance to use the money for something else... like auto body repair? Anyway, after two wrecks and one totaled car, I sent my oldest daughter off to college with a credit card and a bicycle.

I decided that I would not make the same mistake with the 2nd daughter, already looking for a drivers ed school that might save me a little cash. Kendall and I decided to take a quick drive and see exactly how much she really knew about driving a car. We loaded up in the Land Rover (a very used 1996 one), I watched her adjust the seat, fasten her seat belt, adjust the mirrors and start the car. All good so far until we pulled out of the driveway and I began the slow realization that she could not judge speed and steering at the same time. Long story short, after almost hitting two parked cars, weaving on BOTH sides of the road and stopping 2 feet short of hitting a large assortment of trees and bushes, we made it back to the house where she will wait patiently for the foolish drivers ed instructor unlucky enough to draw my daughter as his next assignment.

I'm reminded of the car repair commercial from years ago with the mechanic that looks into the camera and utters the most intelligent words anyone will ever hear... "You can pay me now, or you can pay me later." My checkbook is already open.

Back to school...

I rarely, if ever, make rash decisions unless they involve motorcycles, cars, and power tools. Recently, I made the decision to return to school to continue an education I left behind 25 years ago... and, no... its not to complete my GED. I decided it was time to complete my bachelors degree which, at the time, happened to be in Radio/Television/Film. Being 19 years old and already tired of school I dropped out as soon as the first company offered me more than $10 an hour. This "great" salary gave me all the independence I needed to move out on my own, get married, get divorced, get married again, and get kids... all within the first few years of my fabulous independence.

Luckily, I managed to fall into a teaching career which brings me back full circle to where I am now. While raising my daughters, I always stressed the importance of a college education. It was never if they were going to college but where they were going to go. It was a vision I never had as a child. Neither of my parents went to college and neither really cared about my grades as long as I graduated. Becoming part of the workforce after high school was just an expectation I gladly obliged. Becoming a teacher forced me to recognize and respect the value and privilege of knowledge. Watching my oldest daughter walk across the stage for her diploma made me realize just how hypocritical I have been all these years. She's off to Baylor to begin her college education and I still have yet to complete mine 25 years later.

I'm now a 43 year old freshman at Tarleton State University. Technically, I should be a sophomore but, since its been two decades since my last college-level course, some of my credits "expired"... I did not know they could do that. I don't feel quite as old as Rodney Dangerfield and I am definitely not attending any frat parties since all of my courses are on-line. I hope to complete my degree before my daughter does but, if I don't, that's okay too. I just feel better about not being that dad who tells his kids "Do as I say, not as I do."